Our guest speaker at the August meeting was Dr. Marc Rosenberg. He has been in practice for 30 years, and has had a particular interest in dealing with the grief of companion animal loss. He discovered when he began practicing veterinary medicine that there was not a lot of information about the feelings that "pet owners" go through when they lose an animal, so he started researching how terminally ill people face their own deaths. During subsequent research, including many discussions with other practitioners, he found that animal caretakers go through similar, but not identical stages of dealing with grief.
The first stage is usually "denial" - when the person first learns that the animal is dying. The most typical response is "I can't believe it!" Someone may come to the vet's office with an animal who has a large lump on his/her body, but the person will ask the doctor to trim the animals toenails. The doctor has to understand the emotional state of the client, and gently help them allow a full examination of the animal without blurting out a reprimand for ignoring such a serious problem.
Stage two is usually found in dealing with human mortality, but not as often in the case of other animals. This is the "bargaining" stage - when the person makes a "deal" with prayers.
Stage three is "anger" - and it may be directed anywhere. There is an attempt to place blame, and it can be aimed at the doctor, or even as guilt, with anger at oneself. This is the time when the client demands to know why the doctor didn't see the problem in time or provide the correct treatment. If it is turned to guilt, the client may express anguish over neglecting to give every pill, or feeding the "wrong" food.
Stage four is "grief" - when sadness takes over. The person may lose their appetite (or overeat), have trouble sleeping or be unable to function at work. When a person dies, most people acknowledge the grief experienced by survivors. But when an animal dies, many people minimize feelings that can be just as intense. In fact, due to the extreme closeness that many people have with their animals, the anguish can be even stronger than the loss of a person. It adds to the devastation when these feelings are belittled by others.
The final stage is "resolution" - the time when the person can think about the deceased without extreme sadness. This is when warm, comfortable memories can take over.
On average, it takes about 9 months to go from denial to resolution, but each person is an individual and each case is unique. Some people get "stuck" in one of the stages, and are unable to progress any further. If their grief becomes disabling, they may need emotional therapy and counseling.
Dr. Rosenberg also discussed his views about when people bring an animal to a veterinarian for euthanasia. He feels that the animal should always be brought to the doctor's office, and does not believe the doctor should make a house call, because he is set up to handle the animal properly with his assistants and medical equipment.
He said that a doctor should ask the patient if they want to be there when the animal is put to sleep, or say farewell and then leave the animal, or see the animal after the procedure. Sometimes the doctor may be concerned that the euthanasia will be "rough," if the animal is in severe pain, or if a vein is difficult to find. He can give a sedative first, or take the animal in back to insert an IV tube. Both of these procedures make the euthanasia go smoother.
After euthanasia, the choices for final disposition of the animal include taking the body to bury at home, or leaving it with the doctor for private cremation, group cremation, burial at a pet cemetery, or even preserving by taxidermy or freeze drying.
Dr. Rosenberg has written and traveled around the country speaking to veterinarians and others about bereavement. Contact him at Voorhees Veterinary Center, 1136 White Horse Rd., Voorhees, NJ 08043, 856-435-8090
SHARE Meeting Aug. 27, 2000