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Love Triangle: Helping Your Pet and Your Partner Get Along

By Rebecca Simmons

For five years, Sassy—a feisty poodle-terrier mix—was the center
of attention. "Sassy was my baby. I'd had her since I was a teenager
and she was a big part of my life," says Betsy McFarland, director
of communications for The HSUS's Companion Animals section.

Then Betsy met her husband Mike and, suddenly, Sassy and Mike
had to learn to get along.

It's a common dilemma for pet guardians—how to help their new
partner and their pet adjust to one another. But many people have
found that, with a little persistence, they can work through the
differences and teach the two loves in their life to live with—and
even love—each other.

"When Mike and I moved in together, I don‘t think either of us
realized just how challenging it would be to get Sassy to accept
him," says McFarland. At first, Sassy was downright grouchy. But,
over time, Mike and Sassy learned to get along. "To win her
affection, Mike started helping with Sassy's care," says McFarland.
"He fed her and walked her. He gave her treats. The more he did,
the more accepting she became. Eventually, we all learned to live
together happily."

Whether it's a weekend guest or a new member of the household,
a sudden change in routine caused by an unfamiliar face can often
spell stress for a pet. Since they can't speak, critters often manifest
their feelings in seemingly bizarre ways, as Carrie Allan, editor of
Animal Sheltering magazine, realized after a few months with a
new boyfriend. Feeling confused and left out, her new beau's dog
reacted by munching on articles of Carrie's clothing that happened
to be within chomping distance. The trio was able to work out
their differences and the couple is now happily married.

Chewing, marking territory and withdrawing from the situation
are some of the ways that pets instinctively react to stressful
situations. But pets aren't the only ones who may be strained
by the new relationship. Maybe your partner is allergic to pet
dander and is struggling to adapt, or maybe the idea of accepting
an animal as a member of the family seems strange. Whatever
the problem, there are several steps you can take to strengthen
the relationship between your partner and your pet.

Stick to the Schedule. Companion animals depend on stability. If
you used to spend hours a day hanging out with your critter and,
suddenly, you're not around anymore, it could leave your pet
confused and anxious. As much as possible, keep the same
routine or adjust it gradually.

Take a Tip. If your new partner is allergic your pet, it can be hard
for them to adjust. But sniffling and sneezing can be eased by
medication and management of the environment. Similarly,
behavior problems can be treated and managed. For more
information, check out the Pets for Life website for tips on
dealing with pet behavior and other potential problems.

Create a Connection. You can increase feelings of trust and
affection by helping your partner establish a relationship
with your pet. At first, giving your pet a special treat whenever
your partner arrives can create a positive association. As time
goes on, the partner may want to assume the responsibility of
feeding the cat or training the dog. "It's great to get your
partner involved in training your pet. It really allows your partner
and your pet to get to know each other," says Keri Caporale,
Humane Education Coordinator at the Humane Society for
Southwest Washington.

Compromise. Balancing your pet's needs and your partner's
wishes creates a relationship that will work well for everyone.
It's impossible to make everyone happy all of the time, but
always favoring your partner over your pet, or vice versa,
will create tension.

Take it Easy. Just because you love your pet doesn't mean
that your partner has to adore her too. "Never push your pet
on someone. At first, it's important to be low-key. Your pet
shouldn't be at the center of everything you do. Give your
partner time to develop his or her own relationship with your
pet," says Caporale.

Make Yourself Heard. Clarify the special needs of your pet to
your new partner: how easily your pet could slip through an
outside door and become lost or why medicines need to be
stored out of paw's reach. In addition, explain why your pet is
important to you. The more partners know, the better
equipped they'll be to form a lasting bond with both
your and your pet.

Relationships are never without their challenges—and
relationships with pets are no exception. But making the
effort to help your pet and your partner get along will pay
off. "It took time and energy to help Mike and Sassy see
eye-to-eye," says McFarland. "But, in the end, it was worth it."

Rebecca Simmons is the outreach communications coordinator
for the Companion Animals section of The HSUS.

Posted on SHARE Yahoo group - Feb. 3, 2008